Christmas gift from my boss! Lol 😍❤️ also went into timmies to get a take 12 & a dozen donuts for my family while we sat around together .... and she paid for it 😭😭 I didn’t have to pay. She makes me so happy and I’m thankful for her. ❤️
Why can't people just leave me be and not become infatuated with me and not become a person i open up to and not become a person to give me advice. Maybe I just need to put a whole mask on altogether. Maybe I need to stop reaching out for help. -Sukairā Ishi
All I can do all I can I do it's say I'm.... idk. #suicidal
0 111 minutes ago
#depression#depressionsucks#depressionquotes#depressionen#depressionthoughts#hurtmyself#hateme#cutme#cut#selfhelp#suizidgedanken#suicidegirls#suizid#suicidalthoughts#suicide#suicidal#wanttodie#wanttobedead#wanttocut#wanttocry#wanttobleed .... Es ist einfach zu viel.... Das Bild ist von heute morgen.... Ich halte es fast nicht mehr aus.... Noch 60 Minuten... Das Zittern wird wieder mehr.... Ich drücke mir immer und immer wieder auf den Wunden Rum.... Ich hoffe daß sie nicht wieder aufplatzen... Sonst sollte ich wohl zum Arzt... Sie sehen jetzt schon nicht gut aus.... Aber ich will nicht.... Ich habe Angst .... Ich will ihn sehen.... Aber auch wieder nicht ... Ich weiß es wird mir weh tun... Ich weiß ich halte es nicht aus.... Ich weiß es doch ... Die Stimmen werden lauter... Der Drang wird mehr.... Ich habe Angst was passiert wenn ich Zuhause bin.... Wie soll ich das schaffen.... Wie schaffe ich es dem Drang und dem Wunsch nicht nachzugehen...? Ich habe niemanden zum Reden.... Die einzige die manchmal da ist, ist mein Hund.... Sie legt sich zu mir und schläft an mich gekuschelt ein.... Das beruhigt mich manchmal... Doch jetzt? Was soll oder eher was kann ich tun...? Die Tränen dürfen nicht fließen... Stehen schon in meinen Augen .... Kann sie kaum noch halten.... Kann den Anfall kaum noch aufhalten.... Ich habe Angst... Angst vor mir selber....
I just ate so much I’m going to kill myself 😞
(Also this is me)
1 419 minutes ago
Okay small update (TW):
I’ve been doing pretty horrible lately. I’ve started cutting again after being clean for over a year fml. Some of them are pretty deep and tbh I think I should’ve gone to get stitches but I’m fucking stupid so I didn’t and yeah... it’s okay now tho, it’s gonna be a huge scar 🙂
You might have seen stuff on my story where I said I was gonna end my life, well I did make plans but things didn’t really work out and I ended up not pulling through, obviously. However, on the brighter side, this did really open my eyes and I realized I need help. Soon I’ll be seeing a psychologist and I hope some of my issues will ‘disappear’. I’m not gonna tell her about my possible ED, because my depression is the main focus here and I think that once I feel better I’ll start eating normally again and stuff.
I’ve started the ABC-diet with a friend and I’m on day 3 now. So far it’s going pretty good and for some reason I’ve lost 1,8kg in the past 3 days?? Getting closer to my goal weight woohoo. My friend has pretty much the same issues as I do and tbh it’s quite ‘nice’. It’s a bit weird to say that, but I feel like she’s the only one who actually understands me.
Eh well that was pretty it. I won’t be very active bc I’m extremely busy with school and getting my life back on track 🙂
[ #fat#ugly#weightloss#skinny#bodyissues#fasting#thinspo#suicidal#suicide#eatingdisorder#anorexia ]
*STORYTIME*: Believe it or not, I used to be a bully. If you saw me in the streets, you probably wouldn't believe me. You should know that there are different levels of bullying and different types of bullying. I used to be a verbal bully, never physical. I learned to be a bully through my environment and peers, and I never had any adult step in and stop me.
My mom was very fluent in curse words and gossip, so I adapted this despite trying to NOT be like her up until 7th grade. I was never mean or cursed, atleast until 6th grade. Because of this, other kids saw me as a "goodie-goodie", and I myself was bullied and verbally attacked for it(plus I was short and looked mexican). So in 7th grade, I decided that I would no longer be on the receiving end of harassment and instead decided to become the harasser. Other kids saw me as class clown, never as the bully. They saw me as harsh and the kid who "acts-out" but never as a bully. This is because of the normalizing of such behavior as kids.
I used to bully more than 10 years ago, and it is still something that I regret whole-heartedly today. I strive to do better everyday and wish I could turn back the clock; I can't. I sometimes think about those kids and I SEE their hurt faces as I verbally abused and laughed at them. I would never want to live knowing that my actions then, are the reasons someone took their life or lived a traumatic life as an adult. -------
This whole Keaton Jones story blew up and people feel bad and think kids are horrible. But before we worry about someone elses kids, lets start with our own kids and take a look at ourselves as parents and adults. We adults are the ones who set an example for our kids. If you are abusive or harsh with your words at home, they will normalize it and think it's okay to do it anywhere else, school included. Kids are copies of adults and their environments. What they see, they will learn.
Speak love, reciprocate love, show love, and watch your kids become loving and kind humans. Then your kids, can teach their kids and their kids teach your grandchildren...etc. Take action at home, and let's end this cycle of hate💚🙏
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